It's been awhile...

It's been awhile since my last post. I have been extraordinarily busy at work. I'm afraid the situation is not getting any better. I am profundly ill-at-ease and do not know what direction my life should go in. I know I want a new job, but I can't leave this one without knowing I have something else and that's difficult. I wish I could study and go to school again for library science, but that degree costs so much money. Does anyone know of any scholarships out there? Let me know.

Too tired and so sad. . .

It has been a long and not-very good week. I spent the first half of the week in an insomniac state; falling asleep at 2:00am and waking at 6:00am. Of course, this meant I was in a grumpy mood. My poor hubbie has not been feeling well and has had to support my mood swings. I just have so much on my mind. I am so unhappy with things in my life I don't know where to start to unravel it all for myself. I wonder if things will ever be the same again.

So, am I supposed to feel PROUD about being a woman after I hear this????!

Kindergarten

I spent the first part of my morning cleaning my house. This is a typical Saturday activity in my humble NYC abode. As I straightened out the top drawer of my nighttable, I came across my Kindergarten report card. My mother must've given this to me a long time ago, but as is sometimes the case, I shoved it in the drawer and forgot about it. This morning, I took sometime to read Ms. Mullen's (teacher) comments. She writes: "Silvia is a sweet girl who plays well with others and enjoys being in class," and "It is a pleasure having Silvia in my class." I found that I sobbed softly as I read those comments for the girl I no longer was but would have liked to know better. Time really does tick too fast.

Al Mercato. . .

One of the most pleasant shopping experiences I have ever had is walking around the open air market in Forio d’Ischia. Ischia is a small island in the Bay of Naples which neighbors well-known Capri. I have never been to Capri, but all Ischitani (as the locals are called) swear that their island is more beautiful. I won’t bore you with comparisons, but if the open air market I referred to in the first sentence is any indication, I would have to agree with the islanders.
What makes the market so special, you ask? Everyday, a different group of vendors from all over the Campania region of Italy come to sell their wares. All types of household items can be found and bartered for at the mercato. There are cheese vendors, fruit vendors, those who sell clothes, lampshades, shoes. . . .well, you get the picture. The vendors are friendly and persuasive. When I go, I try to bring one of my relatives with me so as to help me bargain AND convince me not to buy everything in sight. Considering the low prices, this is no small feat.
The most beautiful object I ever bought at the market is a peach-colored embroidered peach doily. Now, I know it is not hand-made or as precious as any of the doilies my mother has made in her lifetime, but it is strikingly attractive nonetheless and adorns my coffee table in a most pleasing manner. Every time I look at it, I am transported back to Ischia and all her beauty. Although I purchased the doily several years ago, I can still remember that it was hanging in the last stall on the right and there were several colors to choose from: blue, yellow, mint green, and peach. I debated whether I liked the peach or mint green better and decided the peach suited my complexion better. (I know, I used to be much more vain way back when.) I remember taking it back to my grandmother’s house, where I was staying, and putting it into my luggage right away lest I forget it in Ischia. Why I was so excited about such a simple purchase, I don’t know. I am not wealthy, but I have been known to purchase pricey, lovely items every now and then but the happiness I felt over this simple piece of cloth remains unequaled today. Perhaps my doily and love for the island of Ischia are intertwined; that is, I love Ischia because of her simplicity and beauty just as I love this doily. When I look at the doily, I think if Ischia and I feel blessed to have been able to spend time on the island amongst her precious people and swum in her topaz-colored waters. I don’t know when I will be able to go back there, but my doily gives me a daily dose of hope that it will be soon and that, nel frattempo (or, in the meantime), it will comfort me and help me to hold onto my memories.

Pregando. . .

Recently, I have been surrounded by people who want to converse about prayer. It's interesting because although I am not deeply religious in that I do not attend church services religiously (hee hee), I do believe in God and genuinely want to feel His prescence in my life. Therefore, I have been thinking about how to explore different kinds of prayers. Does anyone have any ideas?

Desiderando. . .

This is the very famous Chiesa del Soccorso in Forio d'Ischia. This beautiful view is visible from my grandmother's terrace. The church was most likely built in the 16th century. The wall you see all around the shoreline was built, in part, by my grandfather and his father. Everywhere on the island of Ischia there are reminder's of my grandfather's work as a housebuilder. Just look at the beauty of this photo? Is it any wonder I miss it?

Suggestions?

My hubbie and I have been toying with the idea of living in Italy. For those of you who do not know, my hubbie is napolitano and only came to the US when he married me. I have been reading lots of blogs lately that prove US transplants can and do live in Italy happily. I know my hubbie would be happier there and I am pretty adaptable. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. As i said, it is only an idea right now.

Another work week has ended and I have never been more grateful. It was the first full week of school and it has been a long one, as you might imagine. I am looking forward to relaxing.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Unbelievable

I had some sad news today from a fellow blogger who has shut down her MOST interesting and well thought out blog because of others who can't handle the frank way she discusses life in her small town. I mean, c'mon, people, aren't we supposed to be able to express our thoughts in our blog? She wasn't going out of her way to offend anyone; she was just observing and re-telling from her point of view. I'd like to tell her publicly that I am with her in solidarity.

I haven't blogged in a week or so b/c I have been mulling my grandfather's death, which has affected me more than I like to think. The school year is up and running and I have been very busy, too; honestly, too busy. My husband and I had a big fight the other night b/c of the too late hours I have had to keep. He is feeling neglected and I am feeling split in two. I can't go one like this much longer. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Anyone, I am hoping to be able to make some regular visits now to this blog but I need people to read it and leave me comments, too, so as to inspire me to keep coming back. C'mon guys! Where are ya?!

Il Nonno

Il nonno era un uomo meraviglioso, solare, bravo. Aveva lavoratao sin da piccolo e c'aveva dei valori puri di una volta. Capiva la necessita' di una famiglia unita e faceva del tutto per portare avanti la sua grande famiglia. Mi manchera' tanto anche se non l'ho detto a nessuno; solo a voi e solo in italiano perche' mi sembra questa la lingua giusta in cui parlare del mio caro nonno.

Stia in pace, nonno.

Sadness. . .

A very sad thing occurred today in my family's life. My grandfather, Sebastiano, aged 85 years, passed away after a short stay in the hospital. He had been unwell for about a year but managed to keep his spirits up. Unfortunately, his heart got the better of him. He lived in Ischia and as is the custom in Italy, will be buried tomorrow. My mother (his daughter), father, and brother all went to visit him a few weeks ago when things looked as though they were not getting any better and will be unable to travel to Italy at this time. I am unable to go as well and feel a little guilty and sad about being the only grandchild who did not get to see him before he passed. (I was in Ischia last year). I think, however, that I prefer to remember him in life.

Sebastiano is survived by his wife, 7 children, 17 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren. He lived a good life and was one of the kindest, saintliest men I know. At least I can say there truly is an angel lookingover us in heaven now.

Please say a prayer for us.

Writing Class

This morning I signed up for a writing class on ed2go. For those of you who have never heard of ed2go.com, it is worth checking out. One can sign up for all sorts of online classes taught by real instructors for $129.00. The courses typically last 8 weeks and run the gamut from personal enrichment to career advancement options. I have been toying with the idea of writing for alomost 14 years now. I took a creative writing class here and there and found that I had some talent for it. I'm not sure if I am better suited to nonfiction or fiction however, or whether I have the mettle for writing at all, but I need to settle this in myself or I will go on and on wondering. Wish me luck, will you?

My two week vacation is quickly coming to a close and tomorrow, I return to reality. Mind you, it is not a wonderful reality at all. Some of you reading this blog know what I have been doing careerwise the last 10 years and the new position I took last year and perhaps you sense my unhappiness. I want to move on but I don't know how or even what to pursue. It's terrible this feeling of being stuck, of having to settle for this because you need the money and the benefits (limited though both things may be, in my case) and quite contrary to my personal convictions. I was always the sort of person who said, "If you're not happy, move on." But, my life circumstances are different now and I am . . . . scared? Hesistant? Depresses? I don't know but I just HAVE to figure it out or I will go bonkers. Perhaps you will help me, too?

BTW If you are wondering about some of the images on this blog, they are all taken in Ischia, an island near Capri. My mother's family lives there and I have been a frequent visitor. It is one of the most lovely places on earth and I enjoy the island for many reaons. When I am not there, I feel that something in my life is missing. I hope you enjoy the pics and feel free to comment and ask questions.

Welcome!

This blog is a place where anyone and everyone can come to pick my brain and share in my thoughts. I have a lot of things to say and I hope this place is somewhere I will be able to freely speak and be heard. I know you and I are going to be fast friends!